The Lost Gospel of Judas v2.1.23 - Final Updates

1 year ago by Sebbie

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First off, I know the last version was v2.3, but I named this final one as 2.1.23 because I'm uploading this final update on the 1 Feb 23. Anyways, I just added a link to the "unabridged" version of the story in the game (third choice when you launch the game). I also included a brief explanation as to the difference between the two versions.*

To elaborate on those differences:

The Lost Gospel of Judas: Found-Text Edition

This is the version presented here on Itch.io. The main text is formatted like an annotated bible, with some pages containing handwritten notes from the mysterious "Scholar" researching LG. And there is about 3-4 pages of accompanying side text that takes the form of the Scholar's research notes and other readings.

It's called the "Found-Text Edition" because LG is meant to simulate the discovery of a researcher's (the Scholar's) lost notes. The "lostness" of the story is a double entendre referencing the supposed lost (specifically queer) history of Judas and Jesus' relationship and the life of the disciple Judas, as well as the underlying (or is it overarching?) story of a researching losing track of their notes and you as the stranger who picks them up.

There's also an additional side-story that you'll find in the footnotes and the side text about one of the first scholars (Nico Fischer) who wrote about LG. It's just a mini story, but it's meant to be another queer love story in the universe of LG. It also hints at one of the things that I was playing around when I was first conceptualizing the story of Judas, which was, Judas and Jesus reincarnating ~~(*gasp* reincarnation in my Judeo-Christian bibleslashfic?!)~~ in different lifetimes throughout the centuries, and somehow finding their way back to each other even then.

In addition to the Nico Fischer mini-story, you also get another mini-story that references Mary Magdalene's relationship with another woman named Susannah. This was an indulgent addition on my end, because I typically write sapphic stories, but I couldn't really dive into it since my main focus was Judas.

Click to reveal possible spoilers.

It's hinted at in the main text two or three times, there's at least one detail in a footnote, plus a bonus poem (or "song") written by Susannah for Mary.

This version also contains additional details about events and characters in its footnotes.

The Lost Gospel of Judas꞉ The Unabridged Story

I'm calling this the "unabridged" version because it elaborates more on scenes that, in the found-text version, were hidden in the ellipses; moments in Judas' life that are lost to time (so to speak). It's also unabridged because I was able to add and explore additional scenes that, ultimately, I felt made the story richer in a way I never would have thought to do if I hadn't revised it.

Click to reveal possible spoilers.

Some of these new scenes include: the child Jesus at the temple, a cheeky, fade-to-black scene about Judas and Jesus' first time together, Peter talking to Judas after the crucifixion, and more! I'd like to add that part of the revisions, like adding a more overt love-making scene (there's already a hint of this in the "Judas, know that you are always loved" scene) was a suggestion from my professor (an explanation on that below.

I revised LG after workshopping my submission in class. My professor suggested that I simply turn "The Lost Gospel" into a straightforward story and to either completely remove or omit most of the footnotes in the original version, and to drive home the fact that Jesus truly loved Judas because the first draft still felt incomplete, and he wasn't convinced that Jesus loved Judas.

I did my best with my revisions and came up with the "Unabridged" version of the story, and I'm actually super happy with it. This version retains more than a few footnotes, but they've lost most of the "additional contexts" (e.g., details about new/original characters like Judas' parents, references to other "chapters" like Judas' on Mount Erebos, etc.) and more like "flavor text" to retain the feel of having read an annotated bible. The annotations I kept were mostly references to "translations" because one of the things that really stuck to me having to take theology units in uni is how rich certain words or phrases become when contextualized linguistically or historically.

The main difference between found-text and unabridged is the complete disappearance of the Scholar (and all their personal notes and annotations), as well as the side-story about Nico Fischer. I also had to remove bits of the Mary/Susannah side story that weren't already included in the main text.

Click to reveal possible spoilers.

Technically, I only really had to remove a footnote about Susannah (in line with removing a chunk of similar footnotes) as well has having to remove the poem "The Garden of Lilies" because it no longer fit with the flow of the new version of LG.

Nevertheless, even without the Nico Fischer storyline, I retained hints of the "together in different lifetimes" bit. This is open to interpretation, of course. The only thing I can say for sure is that, ultimately, they do get to be happy. Because of course they do.

Click to reveal possible spoilers.

One of the things I wanted for my Judas story (that the story itself inevitably outgrew) was a modern retelling about Judas and Jesus. You'll see another hint of that in the set of pages called "Copyright" (the title page, copyright page, and dedication). "To Josh" was a funny easter egg about me initially naming Jesus "Joshua" for the modern retelling.

Judas was initially named "J.D." and here, while it's no longer the intention, you could make the argument that the author "P. Onuma" is him. (P. Onuma isn't even subtle. Granted, I wanted to go for Susan Onuma at first or, Sue Onuma, but I went with P. Onuma so it's more gender-neutral. It's literally just wordplay with the etymology of "psudeonym.")

I toyed around with a few ideas: Judas and Jesus meeting on earth once every year since Jesus' resurrection, told in interwoven flashbacks and present day scenes; Judas in hell, Jesus in heaven, and travelling in between realms like Ratatoskr on Yggdrasil is Dante, carrying letters between the two lovers instead of insults, as the two anticipated meeting on earth during Easter.

Ultimately, there were two things I wanted in the story: something that has to do with immortality, Judas and Jesus getting to spend a lifetime together where they're happy and at peace. But I also didn't want for there to be no stakes, so I knew Judas would still have to be punished. I mean, when is heaven ever completely fair in these stories?

Though, technically, the reason why I wanted that separation is purely this line from Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers in The Power of Myth: "Well, it's certainly true in life that the greatest hell one can know is to be separated from the one you love. That's why I've liked the Persian myth. Satan is God's lover — and he is separated form God, and that's the real pain of Satan." I got this quote form the book, but if you want to hear two men talking about God and Satan being lovers, here's a time stamped link to the particular episode.

I won't lie, this was kind of funny to me because I had an image of my head of Moyers and Campbell talking about this like two shippers a la fanwork discourse. When I read that, I knew I'd have to include it one way or the other, and that ultimately became Judas being separated from Jesus for thousands of years and a comment from the Morningstar, "You love him as I love God."

One day, I'm hoping I can return to this story. I have very poor attention span even when it comes to my own writing. I usually think in scenes instead of a whole, over-arching story. There's the beginning, the end, and the moments in between, and the moments reveal themselves in the process of writing and never when you're planning. Still, I did keep enough in the footnotes for me to remember how I envisioned Judas' story playing out. I may get to explore a bit more of the side characters that made appearances here too. I'll ghostwrite it and the author's name will be Nico Fischer lol.

Lastly, a snippet from my essay about the story I wrote as well as a quote from my professor. Hidden because they're somewhat long. Reveal as you go.

The snippet from my essay.

“The Lost Gospel of Judas” reimagines Judas and his relationship with Jesus. It explores a bit more of the notion that Judas was in the know, that when Jesus handed him the bread, it was an assignment rather than a prediction. However, the “Lost Gospel” does still explore the idea of prophecy. At least, in the sense that Judas and Jesus share an interconnected prophecy that will define, so to speak, the outcome of human history. And because I am fascinated by the concept of free will and how it ties in with divine prophecy, I try my best to insinuate the possibility of either man foregoing the fulfillment of his respective role. I explore this mostly through Judas’ tormented reluctance, which never truly leaves him even as he is handing Jesus over to the soldiers.

There is a hint of temptation in Jesus too, though I try to keep his “inner thoughts” shrouded mostly in darkness. He is human and in love, but I wanted to try and keep a sense of mystery about him. Nevertheless, he calls Judas my life—an acknowledgment, maybe, that there is a life he wants to share with Judas, a life that will not end at the cross; or, maybe, that he trusts Judas to love him enough to choose the right path even if it causes them pain. Perhaps, it is a further nod to their entwined destinies, my life is your life, and they are both participating in this sacrifice. Judas, too, is giving his life for the salvation of the world. The giving of his life is more symbolic, but as the Betrayer, he is in compassion with Christ.** Then, at the end of it, with both their sacrifices fulfilled, they are both transcendent— Jesus as the Son of God, Judas as the Star of the Thirteenth House, exalted with the great generation who carries within them a spark of divinity.

In my mind, too, because the “Lost Gospel” carries traces of my early ideas, they are eternal in a much more literal way; living either as immortal beings on earth or, more poignantly, meeting each other over and over again in several more lifetimes. Two eternal souls that struggle to be reborn for a chance of experiencing the beauty and agony of a human lifetime together or apart.

More than that, however, I like to think that “The Lost Gospel of Judas” also envisions another possible history, a world where queerness is a simple fact of life rather than a thing to be concealed. Where Jesus and Mary Magdalene can tease each other about the people they love, where holy scriptures don't balk at the thought of genderfluidity***, and where the great salvation of humankind grew from the love of two men.

A quote from my professor during workshop, taken from a recording.

If Christ were really entirely human and entirely divine, then nothing human would have been strange to him. Christ would have understood what ejaculation was. He would have had morning wood, right? Christ would have masturbated. Do you understand all of that? Do you understand what I'm saying? Liberate yourself through your gospel, through your story. Make this the most affirmative that you can make it, of what queer life is about. Queer life is about the dignifying of desire. That desire is not bad. Desire is our claim to this world, our claim to this life, and it is holy; and pleasure is a sacred state. Pleasure, right? Which has been demonized, which has been vilified—affirm pleasure. Christ would have wanted in his example of his life to affirm the body and all of its appetite and all of its pleasure.

What an entirely liberating image of Christ that would be. Your story can be the beginning of that.

Cheers!

- Sebbie

_{_{*It's actually three versions if you count the game. But I really just built this thing on twine to simulate "finding" the pages, and I got carried away with it just a bit. So the game and the "found-text" version are more-or-less the same thing.}}

_{** In co-passion, or suffering with.}

_{***Yuval, the companion of Talmai, and the Morningstar are both nonbinary. It's more obvious with the Morningstar, not so much Yuval. Somewhere in my drafts and notes, there was a longer story about Yuval and Talmai (both of whom worked with Judas' father). But that was left out because it no longer fit into the whole of the story. Still, I do want to confirm that whenever "companion" is mentioned in LG, I am referencing the fact that they're lovers.}

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